you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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