At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
