1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
