oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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