break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
