We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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