In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
