Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
