you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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