I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
