You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
