she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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