the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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