You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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