Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
