Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
