I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
