that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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