Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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