We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
