oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
