I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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