I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
