the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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