glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
