as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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