I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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