Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize