Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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