If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize