sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
