My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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