When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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