Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
