i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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