Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am midnight drunk by noon
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You've changed since you got that strap on
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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