chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
