I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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