you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
