yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
soo... how was my night?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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