i was born a porn star she said
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize