My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
