Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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