How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
