it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
