Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
