so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
