you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
