and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
All the doctor said was why
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
