Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
youre lurking in front of me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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