he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
