Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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