The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
whose ass print is on the piano?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
