I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
