Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
