the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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