Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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