I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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