it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
