Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
