I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
