Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
