I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
