Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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