I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize