Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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