i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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