hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
