Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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