Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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