your thong is hanging out like whoa
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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