I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
