Sponge bath it is.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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