What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
