Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
