genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I can feel your judgement through the phone
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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