My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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