You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
