no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
