why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
