We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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